And Another Thing

And Another Thing cancelled their gig on Tuesday after bass trianglist Demo Whirlgiggler got his head stuck in a rudimentary onion vibe. Other band members refused to perform unless the venue management provided rudimentary onion vibes for all of them.

Speaking for Wolverine Venue Management, Mr Dorman Streets said: "It is f*ing surreal. Why can't they just get f*ing hyperbolic spinach like other f*ing bands."

Substantial Basin

Last seen on the wild side of life, the punk house blues artiste Substantial Basin has announced a world wide tour starting in Ilford, England. Tickets for the Unplumb4d Overfl*w tour will go on sale in August at Gieves & Hawkes tailors and other recognised outlets. T-shirts will only be available in size 91 plain brown.